By: Rick Neeley

Rick Neeley — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:50:56 +0000

I spent 21 years as a police officer,detective and in the summer of 2006 my best friend and chief commited suicide while I was on the phone with him trying to talk him out of it. My department offered no support . I was told to notify his family, arrange his funeral and conduct the investigation which included viewing the in car camera video of him shooting himself and recovering his personnal effects which were covered in his brains and blood. I also viewed his blood spattered suicide note. His office was cleaned out the next day after this occured and we were told as a department by our administration the this was over and it was time to move on. I struggled to go on and found myself just going through the motions on the job. I sought help from the departments phychologist who was also the hostage negiotiator for our SRT and I was aware his own wife had commited suicide using his weapon. I asked him if I could get some time off as I was having nightmares and flashbacks. He told me that time off would do no good as I would just have to go right back to it. I got more and more frustrated and became more withdrawn and depressed. The final straw happened when a backed up a rookie officer on a assist the FBI on entering the apartment of a suspect who was threatening to blow up our local airport. I assisted him and kept him back while I made entry first into the apartment as I had years on our SRT. I then had command officers falsely accuse me of threatening to shoot this rookie officer and was charged and suspended without pay. I could not handle any more pressure so I resigned. I have struggled in the year since and at one point took a semi auto pistol from my closet with the intention of using it on myself. I ended up going to a mental health facility and seeking treatment and was diagnosed with PTSD. I have felt pushed aside and forgotten by my department and my fellow officers. It’s as if I have some disease that will jump off me and on to them if they get to close. I have received no support from my state workers comp or the Equal Employment Opportunities Commision as well as my local congressperson who did not even reply to my letter to her. I went from Hero to Zero almost overnight. I have applied for a disability pension and have received assistance to attend college to become a teacher from my states bureau of vocational rehabilitation. I think that PTSD is this silent epedemic that the police community would rather just push under the rug and not deal with as it has this stigma of an officer being weak, if he seeks help attached to it. I loved being a police officer and I was very good at it. I want to turn this into something positive and help increase awareness of PTSD and cop suicide amongst police officers , elected officials and the general public. It’s time for everyone to quit burying their heads in the sand and quit pretending these problems don’t exist.

Comments on: BADGE OF LIFE

By: Rick Neeley